The Truth About Santa

What age do we tell our children the truth about Santa?  Do we let them find out from friends or some mean kid that wants to ruin everyone else’s Christmas like the Grinch?

Our moment all happened because of Wyatt, our Elf on the Shelf.  For seven or eight years he came to our home the day after Thanksgiving.  For a month or more in between my wife and I had to put on our thinking caps to be creative and make him do something differently every day.  Yeah, we cheated sometimes by ‘borrowing’ ideas from friends, Pinterest, or Facebook.  Sometimes it was fun.  Other times it was a pain in the ass. 

Why do kids believe in some things and not others?  Why do they believe an elf made from plastic can be real and fly back and forth from the North Pole every night, yet there is no such thing as a zombie?  To me, zombies seem a lot more believable!  Do kids (and people in general) believe what they want, what makes them feel good?

 

All parents want to shield their children from uncomfortable situations.  Before my daughter was born, I remember telling my mother that I would never ever tell my child the ‘lies’ about Santa.  It made her sad, but I remembered how deep it cut when she told me the truth.  My mother read a book which explained the ‘magic of Santa’.  Afterwards, I went to my room and cried and vowed never to lie to my own children.

Never say never.  Fast forward to the present.  Somehow, I rationalized the joys of Santa and the several years my daughters believed were wonderful.  Christmas mornings were magical as their faces lit up.  The best part though was the build up to Christmas during the holiday season.  My girls maintained an almost constant level of excitement.  They even seemed to behave better to make sure Santa brought what they wanted!

When we talked about telling our kids the truth our hearts sank.  Is it just that parents don’t want their children to grow up?  The ‘talk’ seemed so difficult and we were so worried about the right way to do it.  We used Santa as an ‘idea’ that had evolved over time.  We talked about the history of St. Nick and how he secretly gave to the poor.  We explained how other cultures do not use Santa but have similar ideas about giving during the holidays.

“It’s about sharing and being selfless.  You all can be Santas too, not just during the holidays, but the entire year.”

In our minds our spiel sounded great as we presented it, but I don’t think my daughters really accepted the truth.  In fact, my youngest flat out did not get what we were trying to say.  She just started sharing amusing stories about the elves her teachers had used in the classroom.

Nevertheless, my oldest, Sofiah, still cried when Wyatt was not there the next morning.  Again, we tried to explain the concept of ‘Santa’, this time being more forward.  She cried hard in momma’s arms for at least ten minutes.  Then she locked herself in her room for another twenty.  Had we screwed up?  Was there a better way to break the news?  Should I have gone with my first instinct and never started the ‘Santa escapade’ in the first place?

Half an hour later Sofiah came out of her room and seemed fine.  Her Christmas spirit had not been vanquished.  In fact, she helped Kaia make an entire bedroom suite for our new elf.  Every day since, the girls have looked for the elf first thing in the morning. They have barely mentioned Wyatt.

And so I realize that discovering ‘truth’ is all part of growing up.  I think we as parents worry too much.  Probably we want our kids to stay innocent forever.  No doubt the world is a crazy place and we want to shield them from the harmful stuff as long as possible.  But there are tougher issues to deal with in life than finding out that the jolly fat man who gives gifts is not a real person. 

Kids deal with the truth in their own way.  Our goal should be to make them resilient and strong enough to deal with the good and bad aspects of reality.  We should also stimulate their imagination. Maybe the years of believing in an old fat man coming down the chimney are over, but what we told our girls still rings true.  Santa is an idea, a time of year to reflect on how we should be year-round; selfless, compassionate, and sharing.